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Quick Notes

"Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter."

-Bono

What Rose Represents Your Love?

Your Love is Represented by a Purple Rose
For you, love is all about chemistry and attraction. You totally believe in love at first sight.
If a relationship is right, you know it from the start.
You're often sure of your feelings. And you're not afraid to express them.

My boob job roflmao

So I got a small shopping spree for Christmas from C*. We went yesterday and had a ball getting me some good stuff. Two of the items are a new bra and a red sweater. I didn't get them at the same place so I didn't try them on together until I got home to model them for Master. I kept my back turned to the mirror while I got it all on and got the sweather straightened. It is a turtle neck sweater and it's one of those nice form-fitting tight RED sweaters with very long sleeves. Sexy stuff I thought. Between the sweater and the bra...when I turned around to face the mirror, I almost fell over because it looked like I had gotten a boob job ala Pam Anderson! I will be wearing the ensemble tomorrow night to the NLA meeting. :) Hoping to get someone to take a picture for a couple of friends who don't live here and want to see too. :) Yeah, I'm a little proud of myself.

OBAMA TAKES IT!!!

So history was made tonight and I couldn't be happier. Here we sit next to each other typing all about it. LOL A little bit of excitement in my world. I can't believe it happened and I can't believe I have actually seen the first black president! As history is being made, I sit watching Friends with my Mo Mo having a marathon. :) I don't even know what to say! WHOOT!!! WHOOT!!!

Ok so Master and I moved to Dallas rather quickly and a bit crazily...not really our choice to do things the way we did...in the move we had to find a foster home for our Great Dane Samson. The foster home is not working out because of the other animals they have and Samson's acting out. We are not in a place that we can bring him as of yet or we would. If there is anyone out there who can/will help by offering a foster home for a couple of months until we can get our own place here, we can ship him wherever within the US and then ship him here when we're ready. Please, if you can help or know someone who can, get in touch. I am desperate and don't wanna lose my baby!

Belle

Tried this cool test...LOVE the result!

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Bette!

mm.bette_.jpg

You are a Bette -- "I must be strong"


Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.



How to Get Along with Me

  • * Stand up for yourself... and me.

  • * Be confident, strong, and direct.

  • * Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.

  • * Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.

  • * Give me space to be alone.

  • * Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.

  • * I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.

  • * When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.




What I Like About Being a Bette

  • * being independent and self-reliant

  • * being able to take charge and meet challenges head on

  • * being courageous, straightforward, and honest

  • * getting all the enjoyment I can out of life

  • * supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me

  • * upholding just causes




What's Hard About Being a Bette

  • * overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to

  • * being restless and impatient with others' incompetence

  • * sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it

  • * never forgetting injuries or injustices

  • * putting too much pressure on myself

  • * getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right




Bettes as Children Often

  • * are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit

  • * are sometimes loners

  • * seize control so they won't be controlled

  • * figure out others' weaknesses

  • * attack verbally or physically when provoked

  • * take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings




Bettes as Parents

  • * are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted

  • * are sometimes overprotective

  • * can be demanding, controlling, and rigid


Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

I am going to kill this man if I don't find out how not to. Don't worry, it's not Master. It's Tim. Timothy Volk. He is striving for unhappiness and chaotic mayhem in this house and it's working. He is lying and spreading uneasiness and lack of trust between household members and it's working like a charm. Bravo Tim! You have once again attempted to wreck your son's mother's life. But this time you will fail. This time you will not win. You may keep YOUR money away from us but you won't take our lives away or our inner joy. Nope. Not this time. I have to find a way to remember that when he is trying this shit. Cuz he's a master at puppeteering and he played his son like a violin. And to my shame, he played me like one too. Joseph and I fought it out and he tried to killl me with a huge bottle in the kitchen. His heart wasn't in it though or he would have just done it no matter who or what was in his way. And it gets worse. The drama here is neck-deep right now. I am so sick of it. It is always like this whenever Tim is around. Always, sooner or later, he has to leave with a bang. Always. I don't know if his goal is to kill himself with a heart attack or kill us with strokes. I thought he was trying for a heart attack but he doesn't seem to be very upset by all of this. He is smiling that self-satisfied smug assholish smile. His color isn't up or down...he's completely normal. So, that leaves he's playing us against each other for other reasons and I don't know why.

 

The bottom line is this: I need to keep in mind that he doesn't control anything about us except the money he made sure to provide for Joseph's care. Yes, that is a major part of the family income with me being unemployed right now. But, we are going to come out on top. I always have. In the long run so has Master. I don't even care if we are left without a home for a minute. It will only be for a minute. And we have ways to take care of the things that belong to us during that minute so...Life will go on and he will only "triumph" in his own mind and only for a minute. I need help remembering that at the times he is orchestrating these wars. I want to bash his head in is what I want to do. What I need to do is shut my damn mouth. Master said it best when it comes to dealing with his ass: "Once you open your mouth, you're fucked. Just fucked." And it's true. I don't know how to remember to do it. I can't even hear Master at those times when he has me so riled I see red. And that's not good. What to do.

My daughter, the great disappointer

Ok. I don't know what I did or where I went wrong but my daughter has pulled some SHIT this time. She is 16 and I was planning to buy her two first class tickets here to Vegas for her and one of her friends in Virginia to come spend her sweet 16 summer. Shit happened that you know about if you read a few months ago. We ended up buying her two regular tickets to come anyway at the last minute. She didn't come. She told me she already had plans for the summer and wouldn't be able to come cuz she thought we just weren't going to be able to buy tickets at all. Ok. Those tickets were non-refundable and non-transferable so we ate the money. Now today I find out she came to Vegas for the time we planned for her to be here...but she never bothered to tell me. She went home 3 days ago and had spent the time with her friends here, at one of their houses for the MONTH she was here and not calling me. Not one phone call. Not a sneak visit to the mall to see me and get free drinks. I couldn't even BRIBE her to see me for a fucking HUG after TWO YEARS!!!

Date with Master...Stomp Out Loud RAWKS!

Stomp Out Loud! Amazing and fun and wonderful. Master and I got to go courtesy of one of my customers at work and Jamie, who didn't wanna go cuz her tooth was hurting so much. We had such a GREAT time! And, after the show, Master looked through the program and looked at the pictures of the cast members only to find the one he liked best is named Michael Oakley! Those of you who are aware of the significance will laugh and the ones who aren't, won't get it. Sorry. :)

It was a wonderful date with Master. We went to the show, had a drink, then went to Coffee Bean for an Ice Blended after. We sat there and shared a chocolate cream cheese muffin and drank our drinks and just sat together and chatted casually and had a fantastic time.

Not feeling it

I have to write. It's been too long. I am just not feeling it though, ya know? So, news is where I'll start.
I got my review at work yesterday. I hope I'm getting a raise. I got a great review so...here's hoping. I also found out what is stopping my promotion to supervisor and am addressing it already so hopefully that will happen soon. The one thing that bothers me is that, about 2 weeks ago, Albert (my manager) told me through another supervisor that, having called in, if I didn't come in the next day with a doctor's note, I would get my final write-up. I haven't even had ONE so final?? Anyway, after 7 1/2 hours in the ER to GET said dr's note, Albert tells me to nevermind, he believes me now. NOW??? When have I EVER lied to him? You know what his reason for acting like that was? That when someone calls in with less than 4 hours notice (I open so how I'm supposed to GIVE 4 hours notice is beyond me) he disbelieves them as a matter of course. But, after having spent all that time at the hospital, I must not be lying or faking! Can you believe it??? Out of his own mouth! So we talked about how much of a geek I am about my job and how much I love it. I told him that I would NEVER call in on my own, I have to be forced because I love my job so much I will go sick or not. I even went three days in a row with little to no sleep and in major pain from having moved my entire family with one person helping after work every day for those three days. So maybe now he won't doubt me when I say I am too sick or whatever to come in.

Master and I are coming back together in the right ways to studying and getting ready to read and do some relationship work again and I couldn't be more excited about it! Right now I am just kinda floating through my evenings after work cuz there isn't a lot of structure at this point, having no gotten fully unpacked yet and having gone through such a rough couple of weeks and relaxing to recuperate. I am not recuperated and recovered and wanting my life back again, restructured to fit our new life here.

My oldest and dearest friend contacted me again and told me some things about her life that have me very worried about her. Putting up with abuse is just not something I EVER thought she would do but she loves this guy and is putting up. I gave it to her straight...the man she loves, you know, the one with all the charm and sweetness, is drowned in that tankard of beer he keeps perpetually by his side and in his tummy. He is GONE. She is realizing that and coming to terms with it and hopefully will get herself and her kids out before he turns on them too. I think she'd probably end up in prison if he laid a hand on one of her kids. Really. They are her everything. I'd prolly be right there next to her too. They are like my own to me. Neener neener baby. You'll be ok. It'll hurt but you'll be ok.

I don't know what else to say really. I'm kinda down. Don't like the new apartment. The air isn't working properly and our bedroom is HOT all the time except for a couple hours in the middle of the night when I have to pull the sheet up on me. Notice, I said sheet, not blanket. And, while I am not prejudiced, I do not like Mexican music at top volume all day and evening and we have moved to a complex that has no other non-latino families. And there are these huge ass beetles that fly and are mean and bite. I got into a fight with one, yes I said fight, on the second day of moving in. I actually punched it and kicked it before it left me alone. I felt like I was in The Mist. lmao Scary shit though. And my poor dog has nowhere to exercise like he used to. We are going to take him over to the house to visit either today or tomorrow so he can run in the yard and play with the girls. I hope that helps. He's very restless and we can't afford a longer leash yet so he's stuck with walking slowly and very close to us cuz his leash isn't as long as he is right now. Poor baby. He's making me so mad and it's not even his fault. So we are getting a retractable 25' leash next weekend when I get paid, no matter what bills are due. I won't do this to him anymore. We only have a 6 month lease so hopefully we can find another place at the end...one that will do us much better. :) We are regrouping here. and the inside feels like a hug already. Only gonna get better. Can't do much about the outside but we can make the inside friendly and loving like always. :)

Jul. 5th, 2008

So we are moving again. Our roommate here is being gross and we can't handle it. It's not worth it to live in a great house to have his dog poop everywhere and he's never here to clean it up or take care of her and she's doing it because he's never here...she is acting out. He KNOWS he has a pitt bull who suffers extreme separation anxiety and acts out. And he wants to blame us for not letting her out often enough. PLEAZE!!! We let her out just as often as the other two dogs who are NOT shitting all over the place right after coming back inside. And because of him being gone all the time, she is on us literally all the damn time. Licking, biting, climbing, pushing...very obnoxious. I love her but DAYUM! There are other issues too but this one is the one that's making us actually move out. And he owns none of his own issues. I can't stand that. Everything bad that happens is cuz of one of us. Whatever.

We are moving to a crappy ghetto apartment that's REALLY insanely close to my work. I will be able to walk to work and it's no longer a walk than I have to get to the bus stop here so it'll be good for me. I get to sleep another hour every morning and get home at least an hour earlier every night. That will be GREAT. I don't care really that the area is so bad...it's all about private space. The apartment is a dual master setup and will be perfect for the four of us. (Us and our son and his gf.) And I have always made my living space a physical and psychic hug for anyone entering that's welcome. I will do it again. And this time I have pretties I never had before and it will be even MORE cozy than every before! :) I am pretty good at making a home out of wherever I land so I'm not worried about that. My home is my sanctuary and Master spends all day here so it will have to be even moreso than before. And it will. I love home. Especially with him there. He makes it all so much more livable!

I am seeing Russell again...sorta. He keeps calling and coming to visit me at work. At least once a week. And telling me I have my hooks in him and he doesn't like it but loves it at the same time. No resistance. I don't know what I'm doing to him, nothing intentional that's for sure. We are still as drawn to each other as ever and both still ignorant as to the reasons. We are sure having fun though. He wants to kidnap me for a night after we move and take me either to a hotel or his house if it's empty enough at the time. He wants to spend a night with me again and I do too but am just as happy to just spend time with him at any time. I really enjoy him...we have said the "L" word but not a lot and mostly only intimately. I know I don't actually love him in that way...I just love being around him. He makes me feel ways that no one else does...as it should be I suppose or why else would I even be with him?

I am happy!
Belle {In loving and devoted service to Master Jordan}