Quick Notes
"Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter."
-Bono
-Bono
| Your Love is Represented by a Purple Rose |
 If a relationship is right, you know it from the start. You're often sure of your feelings. And you're not afraid to express them. |
- Whereabouts:In my living room, relaxing.
- Energy:
cheerful - Music:Law and Order
- Whereabouts:Next to Master
- Energy:
exhuberant - Music:Friends - Chandler proposes
- Whereabouts:America where Obama is PRESIDENT
- Energy:AWESOME
- Music:Cheering
Ok so Master and I moved to Dallas rather quickly and a bit crazily...not really our choice to do things the way we did...in the move we had to find a foster home for our Great Dane Samson. The foster home is not working out because of the other animals they have and Samson's acting out. We are not in a place that we can bring him as of yet or we would. If there is anyone out there who can/will help by offering a foster home for a couple of months until we can get our own place here, we can ship him wherever within the US and then ship him here when we're ready. Please, if you can help or know someone who can, get in touch. I am desperate and don't wanna lose my baby!
Belle
Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...
You Are a Bette!
You are a Bette -- "I must be strong"
Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.
How to Get Along with Me
- * Stand up for yourself... and me.
- * Be confident, strong, and direct.
- * Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
- * Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
- * Give me space to be alone.
- * Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
- * I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
- * When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.
What I Like About Being a Bette
- * being independent and self-reliant
- * being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
- * being courageous, straightforward, and honest
- * getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
- * supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
- * upholding just causes
What's Hard About Being a Bette
- * overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
- * being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
- * sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
- * never forgetting injuries or injustices
- * putting too much pressure on myself
- * getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right
Bettes as Children Often
- * are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
- * are sometimes loners
- * seize control so they won't be controlled
- * figure out others' weaknesses
- * attack verbally or physically when provoked
- * take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings
Bettes as Parents
- * are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
- * are sometimes overprotective
- * can be demanding, controlling, and rigid
Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy
- Whereabouts:Still in the crowded living room
- Energy:marginally better
- Music:Still listening to my own fingernails clickety clicking
I am going to kill this man if I don't find out how not to. Don't worry, it's not Master. It's Tim. Timothy Volk. He is striving for unhappiness and chaotic mayhem in this house and it's working. He is lying and spreading uneasiness and lack of trust between household members and it's working like a charm. Bravo Tim! You have once again attempted to wreck your son's mother's life. But this time you will fail. This time you will not win. You may keep YOUR money away from us but you won't take our lives away or our inner joy. Nope. Not this time. I have to find a way to remember that when he is trying this shit. Cuz he's a master at puppeteering and he played his son like a violin. And to my shame, he played me like one too. Joseph and I fought it out and he tried to killl me with a huge bottle in the kitchen. His heart wasn't in it though or he would have just done it no matter who or what was in his way. And it gets worse. The drama here is neck-deep right now. I am so sick of it. It is always like this whenever Tim is around. Always, sooner or later, he has to leave with a bang. Always. I don't know if his goal is to kill himself with a heart attack or kill us with strokes. I thought he was trying for a heart attack but he doesn't seem to be very upset by all of this. He is smiling that self-satisfied smug assholish smile. His color isn't up or down...he's completely normal. So, that leaves he's playing us against each other for other reasons and I don't know why.
The bottom line is this: I need to keep in mind that he doesn't control anything about us except the money he made sure to provide for Joseph's care. Yes, that is a major part of the family income with me being unemployed right now. But, we are going to come out on top. I always have. In the long run so has Master. I don't even care if we are left without a home for a minute. It will only be for a minute. And we have ways to take care of the things that belong to us during that minute so...Life will go on and he will only "triumph" in his own mind and only for a minute. I need help remembering that at the times he is orchestrating these wars. I want to bash his head in is what I want to do. What I need to do is shut my damn mouth. Master said it best when it comes to dealing with his ass: "Once you open your mouth, you're fucked. Just fucked." And it's true. I don't know how to remember to do it. I can't even hear Master at those times when he has me so riled I see red. And that's not good. What to do.
- Whereabouts:Bedroom calming down
- Energy:rageful
- Music:Master muttering
- Whereabouts:home
- Energy:broken
- Music:dog panting
It was a wonderful date with Master. We went to the show, had a drink, then went to Coffee Bean for an Ice Blended after. We sat there and shared a chocolate cream cheese muffin and drank our drinks and just sat together and chatted casually and had a fantastic time.
- Whereabouts:Bedroom with Master
- Energy: high
- Music:Friday After Next
I got my review at work yesterday. I hope I'm getting a raise. I got a great review so...here's hoping. I also found out what is stopping my promotion to supervisor and am addressing it already so hopefully that will happen soon. The one thing that bothers me is that, about 2 weeks ago, Albert (my manager) told me through another supervisor that, having called in, if I didn't come in the next day with a doctor's note, I would get my final write-up. I haven't even had ONE so final?? Anyway, after 7 1/2 hours in the ER to GET said dr's note, Albert tells me to nevermind, he believes me now. NOW??? When have I EVER lied to him? You know what his reason for acting like that was? That when someone calls in with less than 4 hours notice (I open so how I'm supposed to GIVE 4 hours notice is beyond me) he disbelieves them as a matter of course. But, after having spent all that time at the hospital, I must not be lying or faking! Can you believe it??? Out of his own mouth! So we talked about how much of a geek I am about my job and how much I love it. I told him that I would NEVER call in on my own, I have to be forced because I love my job so much I will go sick or not. I even went three days in a row with little to no sleep and in major pain from having moved my entire family with one person helping after work every day for those three days. So maybe now he won't doubt me when I say I am too sick or whatever to come in.
Master and I are coming back together in the right ways to studying and getting ready to read and do some relationship work again and I couldn't be more excited about it! Right now I am just kinda floating through my evenings after work cuz there isn't a lot of structure at this point, having no gotten fully unpacked yet and having gone through such a rough couple of weeks and relaxing to recuperate. I am not recuperated and recovered and wanting my life back again, restructured to fit our new life here.
My oldest and dearest friend contacted me again and told me some things about her life that have me very worried about her. Putting up with abuse is just not something I EVER thought she would do but she loves this guy and is putting up. I gave it to her straight...the man she loves, you know, the one with all the charm and sweetness, is drowned in that tankard of beer he keeps perpetually by his side and in his tummy. He is GONE. She is realizing that and coming to terms with it and hopefully will get herself and her kids out before he turns on them too. I think she'd probably end up in prison if he laid a hand on one of her kids. Really. They are her everything. I'd prolly be right there next to her too. They are like my own to me. Neener neener baby. You'll be ok. It'll hurt but you'll be ok.
I don't know what else to say really. I'm kinda down. Don't like the new apartment. The air isn't working properly and our bedroom is HOT all the time except for a couple hours in the middle of the night when I have to pull the sheet up on me. Notice, I said sheet, not blanket. And, while I am not prejudiced, I do not like Mexican music at top volume all day and evening and we have moved to a complex that has no other non-latino families. And there are these huge ass beetles that fly and are mean and bite. I got into a fight with one, yes I said fight, on the second day of moving in. I actually punched it and kicked it before it left me alone. I felt like I was in The Mist. lmao Scary shit though. And my poor dog has nowhere to exercise like he used to. We are going to take him over to the house to visit either today or tomorrow so he can run in the yard and play with the girls. I hope that helps. He's very restless and we can't afford a longer leash yet so he's stuck with walking slowly and very close to us cuz his leash isn't as long as he is right now. Poor baby. He's making me so mad and it's not even his fault. So we are getting a retractable 25' leash next weekend when I get paid, no matter what bills are due. I won't do this to him anymore. We only have a 6 month lease so hopefully we can find another place at the end...one that will do us much better. :) We are regrouping here. and the inside feels like a hug already. Only gonna get better. Can't do much about the outside but we can make the inside friendly and loving like always. :)
- Whereabouts:My new bedroom
- Energy:
Down - Music:Across the Universe
We are moving to a crappy ghetto apartment that's REALLY insanely close to my work. I will be able to walk to work and it's no longer a walk than I have to get to the bus stop here so it'll be good for me. I get to sleep another hour every morning and get home at least an hour earlier every night. That will be GREAT. I don't care really that the area is so bad...it's all about private space. The apartment is a dual master setup and will be perfect for the four of us. (Us and our son and his gf.) And I have always made my living space a physical and psychic hug for anyone entering that's welcome. I will do it again. And this time I have pretties I never had before and it will be even MORE cozy than every before! :) I am pretty good at making a home out of wherever I land so I'm not worried about that. My home is my sanctuary and Master spends all day here so it will have to be even moreso than before. And it will. I love home. Especially with him there. He makes it all so much more livable!
I am seeing Russell again...sorta. He keeps calling and coming to visit me at work. At least once a week. And telling me I have my hooks in him and he doesn't like it but loves it at the same time. No resistance. I don't know what I'm doing to him, nothing intentional that's for sure. We are still as drawn to each other as ever and both still ignorant as to the reasons. We are sure having fun though. He wants to kidnap me for a night after we move and take me either to a hotel or his house if it's empty enough at the time. He wants to spend a night with me again and I do too but am just as happy to just spend time with him at any time. I really enjoy him...we have said the "L" word but not a lot and mostly only intimately. I know I don't actually love him in that way...I just love being around him. He makes me feel ways that no one else does...as it should be I suppose or why else would I even be with him?
I am happy!
Belle {In loving and devoted service to Master Jordan}
- Whereabouts:Bedroom
- Energy:
bouncy - Music:Alice Cooper I love the dead
Anyway...Just weird...another friend of ours that is also a friend of this woman's above, contacted me today after months of not speaking and several ignored messages asking me if I was upset with him because I never answer him about anything he messages me about...So neither of us was receiving messages from the other? And now that our mutual friend is speaking civilly with Master, I get contacted...feels strange and so NOT like a coincidence, although I don't wanna believe anything nefarious out of this guy. Just doesn't seem the type. But he's been friends with this woman for YEARS...and is very loyal to her at least in some ways that I know of.
We are moving out of this lovely home. It isn't so lovely any longer though...Timmy's dog is shitting all over the carpet several times a night and he is blaming it on our neglect of her. I find that funny that he would think we could possibly ignore her needs while meeting the needs of the other two dogs in the house so well they are not having these incidents...the dog is a Pitt Bull and they have EXTREME separation anxiety and her owner has stopped coming home for anything other than to shower occasionally and sleep and leave for work again. She used to sleep with him and his lover (for her entire life) and now is left to sleep on the floor of OUR bedroom. She used to play with him a couple times a day and is lucky to see him a couple times a week on his way in or out nowadays. It's not her fault...it's his and he has the audacity to accuse US of neglecting HIS dog!!! And he doesn't clean it up either. He isn't here often or long enough to see it let alone clean it up. And the carpet needs desperately to be clean cleaned and he just left again after waking up and getting his stuff together for the weekend!
There is so much more about Timmy that is pissing me off but I am done being pissed off now. I know that we are doing what is necessary to leave him to his own devices and his own dog's shit (inside as well as out...we are the only ones cleaning up after 3 dogs when only one is ours) so I am just done. We found out that the apartment we want is available to us (including our Samson - yes we took the "p" out) and that's amazing for an apartment! I am so excited! We are going to talk to them tomorrow and they know we can't move till right after the first of July and are willing to give us the special price then too. I just think that's really cool. And it's within walking distance of work! It's gonna be so awesome! And they're cheap and nice too. :) I have a friend who lives there and she loves them. We haven't seen them yet but I trust her and the sights outside on the way to work.
So, things are weird but good and heading in the right direction in ways that we don't have to finagle a way through! It's just WORKING the way it's SUPPOSED to. And that's really nice for a change and I hope it just continues that way from now on. Just getting our ducks in a row and keeping them there is a good thing and I am very happy with it.
- Whereabouts:At home with my family
- Energy: cheerful
- Music:CSI: Miami
Belle {In loving and devoted service to Master Jordan} and not wanting to do anything that would show him in a bad light either based on my actions.
- Whereabouts:At home with my family
- Energy:Joyful
- Music:The fan and people talking
Thank you all,
Love,
Belle {In loving and devoted service to Master Jordan}
- Whereabouts:home
- Energy: sad
- Music:fan running to keep us cool
- Whereabouts:On my sunny patio in the morning
- Energy:devastated
- Music:birds and traffic and dogs barking
- Whereabouts:Garage chain smoking
- Energy:
blank - Music:Tim reacting to the news on Yahoo
I had another nervous breakdown yesterday. I'm just so exhausted from working my butt off at work and then coming home and working my butt off here too and getting nowhere. I am down a lot more than I'm up lately and I don't like it one bit. I know how to get out of a funk, usually. Today I am having issue. This week, month, year, I am having issues.
We went and ran errands today...took like 6 freakin hours though. LOL Got some herbs and some groceries and stuff. Very good productive day; I'm just exhausted.
Time to play for a bit and head to bed. Got another long day tomorrow. :(
- Whereabouts:On my patio in my clean back yard
- Energy: blah
- Music:Conversation with Master and Timothy
I'm done ranting.
- Whereabouts:Bedroom where it's warm! What's with Vegas in May being 50??
- Energy:LMAO!
- Music:Something seeping through the floor from the garage.
I tried to jump this guy's bones and was rejected; Now I'm butt-hurt.
LMAO!!
In any case, I'm in a good mood and work went well today. Jamie told me she is going to talk to Albert about promoting me to "Lead Barista" and giving me a raise commensurate with the position...I hope I get my yearly raise AND my promotion and IT'S raise. :) Wouldn't that be nice...
And with Jena and Tina coming next month, that will help pay for the extra groceries without stretching what is already stretched to what I think is the limit. :) :) :) Yayness! (That was for you Mo.)
I'm feeling pretty good considering how I thought I was going to feel today. I worked my ass off at work and had a great day. I didn't even get bored. :) Nothing really interesting other than the incessant wind...driving me CRAZY!!!
- Whereabouts:My beautiful airy patio
- Energy:awake
- Music:Wind through the trees
DUH!
- Whereabouts:In the garage on a cushiony chair
- Energy:Retarded
- Music:Fingers on the keyboard
I did go babysit for my best friend so she could get some birthday action. *evil grin* She said it was the best present ever. Teehee. I even cleaned up a little for her; vacuumed and loaded the dishwasher. The kids were good until all of a sudden, they were outside the gate in the main driveway! They were sent immediately to bed and my night became very peaceful because they went to bed with barely a fight...they knew they had f'd up big time and weren't even gonna try arguing with me about it. LOL It was kinda cute really the way they went up the stairs with their tails between their legs. lmao
I am in a quandry...Russell has begun calling again but we still haven't seen each other and I don't wanna break up with him over the phone. That SUCKS ASS and I won't do it unless he asks me a direct question. He's gonna try to see me next Tuesday morning if I work and Jamie is going to make it so I can take a half hour break when he comes so we can talk for a bit. I need to talk to his face to be honorable and myself and she knows it. Good best friend. :)
I think that's pretty much it. I'm just kinda blah and tired right now so maybe that's part of it too...this not having much to say. Good night before I begin rambling insensibly.
- Whereabouts:Nekkid in bed
- Energy:
tired - Music:sounds of the house settling down for the night
Profile
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
mjsslavebelle- mjsslavebelle
- My MySpace
Syndicate
